those ghastly little traps

[ewein2412]

Immigration official  Harbormaster:  Welcome to mainland Britain.  I see from your passport sword that you’re a writer you’re a knight.  What do you write?  Whose knight are you?

E Wein  Mordred:  Well, in fact, I write children’s books I’m a knight of Arthur’s Round Table.

Harbormaster: Going to be the next Sir Lancelot, are you?

An Editor  A damsel in distress:  I like this book but  I could use help, but not yours just now, even though Sir Lancelot has made knights of the Round Table so much more popular these days.

Librarian  Lady Enid:  How are you getting along in Camelot?

Mordred: I’m doing quite well, actually. Arthur’s acknowledged me as his son and he’s going to make me regent if he has to go abroad.

Lady Enid:  Oh, you're going to be the next--I can’t think of the name.  Something to do with a lake--

Mordred:  Spare me, sweet lady, DON’T SAY IT!  Really, I'm not anything like him.  Different style, different ambitions--I'm not well known as a knight yet, but I'm doing well at the moment, and I'm so tired of people saying it!

Lady Enid (laughing):  All right, I understand.  No names mentioned.  [librarian’s husband Sir Geraint enters]  Why, Geraint, have you heard Mordred’s news?  Arthur has acknowledged him as his own son, and is going to make him regent.

Sir Geraint:  Going to be the next Sir Lancelot, are you?

my father in law  Merlin   [anyway someone who SHOULD KNOW BETTER]:  Well, Mordred, I really admired your last book sword work in that duel.  Not that I know anything about books sword work.  But let’s be honest, you’ll never be another Sir Lancelot, will you!  [pause]  Not that I’ve ever read seen Sir Lancelot’s sword work.
Mordred:  yes.  no.  well.

--------------------------

To each of these jovial remarks, I--who am I, anyway?--I answer in my head: If I woke up one morning and discovered that I had turned into Sir Lancelot I would have to POISON MYSELF.

No, seriously, seriously now, I ask myself this question.  I ask it again and again, when I am most consumed with envy and thwarted ambition.  Would you rather be Sir Lancelot, or Arthur’s own son?  And I swear, if I die in ignominy and hatred and no one remembers me or cares, if I never accomplish another deed in my life, the answer is always, and forever, I would rather be Arthur’s son.

Am I going to be the next Lancelot?  No.  But I would sell my soul to be the next Arthur.

Comments

[marith.livejournal.com]

*applause* Also, I smack all those well-meaning people with a large wet salmon.

[ewein2412]

hee hee hee. thank you.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

It absolutely is NOT RIGHT how much I laughed while I was reading this. Ohdear.

And--yes. It is unbelievably true that you are Arthur's son. Something that buoys me up in looking at your covers assures me.

[ewein2412]

it's inherited memory, I think.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Fair enough.

[mhari.livejournal.com]

*snarfle* *snort*

I heart you lots. And your alter ego. :D

[ewein2412]

I wrote it for you, really. (tongue in cheek, of course)

[sdn.livejournal.com]

for the record, folks, that editor is not me.

[ewein2412]

how could it be you, woman? that was a rejection letter. you PUBLISH my books!

[rachelmanija.livejournal.com]

I often feel the same way, even though I mostly don't write fantasy, so you would think people would not literally compare me to J. K. Rowling Lancelot, but they do anyway.

I really do think I'd rather be Mordred, though. I always loved him best, even before I read The Winter Prince.

[ewein2412]

when I remind myself of my role I always feel so much better. And I say again, I named NO NAMES!!! hee. Funny how nobody fell for that thin disguise.

[sarah-prineas.livejournal.com]

Oh my gawwwwd. I've been asked that question many times already! And I don't even know how to use a sword!

[ewein2412]

welcome to Camelot, Perceval.

[tiboribi.livejournal.com]

I will always remember you, and your books. And so will the various friends I have gotten to read them.

But I understand. I would rather produce fantastic art than flash in the pan pop-art.

[ewein2412]

truth to tell, I was writing as Mordred there.

[sovay]

those ghastly little traps

"I cannot wait to rush in where angels fear to go."

Am I going to be the next Lancelot? No. But I would sell my soul to be the next Arthur.

I think you have your priorities on straight.

[ewein2412]

I take no credit for my priorities. They just came that way. And... well, the metaphor just fits so damn well.

"I cannot wait to rush in where angels fear to go."

that was the other quotation I nearly used...

[marguerlucy.livejournal.com]

who is lancelot in this analogy? someone specific or just the general "popular" author?

I pretty much like all fantasy writings. But no worries, yours sticks out as original and beautiful. And really - isn't it more fun to have an underground following? I mean - less of a chance you'll have a stalker, right? And if you DID, you'd have to give that stalker kudos cause they worked extra hard to get where they are....outside your window.

ahem.

[ewein2412]

who is Lancelot? Lancelot is the greatest knight King Arthur had. What more need be said?

you really are going to drive me back to re-readingThe Once and Future King, aren't you!

[ellen-kushner.livejournal.com]

Mwa, ha, this is good!! I must immediately pass this on to Delia, who hears it even more than I do now that she writes *children's* fantasy- but I hear it, too. Thank you for codifying, er, crystallizing it so clearly. I hadn't realized how much it was bugging me - it's become almost background music.

And now I'm trying to figure out which knight I actually am: The "Lancelot" question always turns me into an utter pedant with a social(ist) agenda, taking the opportunity to lecture my hapless(ly offending) victim on the realities of publishing. Perceval? Bors? (Just not Kay, oh please not Kay....!)

[alethea-eastrid.livejournal.com]

You take me to the most wonderful places. :)

I have more of Gawain in me then I really like to admit. Good ghods, it's been...over a decade since I read any Arthuriana except for that penned by Our Gracious Hostess. *pant pant* must read nooooow *pant*

[ewein2412]

I definitely get the impression that the people who laugh loudest at this entry are the ones who get asked it most often themselves.

"The Lancelot Question"! hee ! I love it.

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

(followed ellen_kushner's link and promptly died of laughing)

I HAVE HAD THESE CONVERSATIONS! Thank you for giving me a way to make them funny to myself.

[ewein2412]

you are entirely welcome! the pleasure is all mine!

[neutronjockey.livejournal.com]

(followed by way of truepenny, who came by way of ______, who came by way of ________, who came by wa--- nevermind.)

*standing ovation*