those ghastly little traps

[ewein2412]

Immigration official  Harbormaster:  Welcome to mainland Britain.  I see from your passport sword that you’re a writer you’re a knight.  What do you write?  Whose knight are you?

E Wein  Mordred:  Well, in fact, I write children’s books I’m a knight of Arthur’s Round Table.

Harbormaster: Going to be the next Sir Lancelot, are you?

An Editor  A damsel in distress:  I like this book but  I could use help, but not yours just now, even though Sir Lancelot has made knights of the Round Table so much more popular these days.

Librarian  Lady Enid:  How are you getting along in Camelot?

Mordred: I’m doing quite well, actually. Arthur’s acknowledged me as his son and he’s going to make me regent if he has to go abroad.

Lady Enid:  Oh, you're going to be the next--I can’t think of the name.  Something to do with a lake--

Mordred:  Spare me, sweet lady, DON’T SAY IT!  Really, I'm not anything like him.  Different style, different ambitions--I'm not well known as a knight yet, but I'm doing well at the moment, and I'm so tired of people saying it!

Lady Enid (laughing):  All right, I understand.  No names mentioned.  [librarian’s husband Sir Geraint enters]  Why, Geraint, have you heard Mordred’s news?  Arthur has acknowledged him as his own son, and is going to make him regent.

Sir Geraint:  Going to be the next Sir Lancelot, are you?

my father in law  Merlin   [anyway someone who SHOULD KNOW BETTER]:  Well, Mordred, I really admired your last book sword work in that duel.  Not that I know anything about books sword work.  But let’s be honest, you’ll never be another Sir Lancelot, will you!  [pause]  Not that I’ve ever read seen Sir Lancelot’s sword work.
Mordred:  yes.  no.  well.

--------------------------

To each of these jovial remarks, I--who am I, anyway?--I answer in my head: If I woke up one morning and discovered that I had turned into Sir Lancelot I would have to POISON MYSELF.

No, seriously, seriously now, I ask myself this question.  I ask it again and again, when I am most consumed with envy and thwarted ambition.  Would you rather be Sir Lancelot, or Arthur’s own son?  And I swear, if I die in ignominy and hatred and no one remembers me or cares, if I never accomplish another deed in my life, the answer is always, and forever, I would rather be Arthur’s son.

Am I going to be the next Lancelot?  No.  But I would sell my soul to be the next Arthur.

Comments

[marith.livejournal.com]

*applause* Also, I smack all those well-meaning people with a large wet salmon.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

It absolutely is NOT RIGHT how much I laughed while I was reading this. Ohdear.

And--yes. It is unbelievably true that you are Arthur's son. Something that buoys me up in looking at your covers assures me.

[mhari.livejournal.com]

*snarfle* *snort*

I heart you lots. And your alter ego. :D

[sdn.livejournal.com]

for the record, folks, that editor is not me.

[rachelmanija.livejournal.com]

I often feel the same way, even though I mostly don't write fantasy, so you would think people would not literally compare me to J. K. Rowling Lancelot, but they do anyway.

I really do think I'd rather be Mordred, though. I always loved him best, even before I read The Winter Prince.

[sarah-prineas.livejournal.com]

Oh my gawwwwd. I've been asked that question many times already! And I don't even know how to use a sword!

[tiboribi.livejournal.com]

I will always remember you, and your books. And so will the various friends I have gotten to read them.

But I understand. I would rather produce fantastic art than flash in the pan pop-art.

[sovay]

those ghastly little traps

"I cannot wait to rush in where angels fear to go."

Am I going to be the next Lancelot? No. But I would sell my soul to be the next Arthur.

I think you have your priorities on straight.

[marguerlucy.livejournal.com]

who is lancelot in this analogy? someone specific or just the general "popular" author?

I pretty much like all fantasy writings. But no worries, yours sticks out as original and beautiful. And really - isn't it more fun to have an underground following? I mean - less of a chance you'll have a stalker, right? And if you DID, you'd have to give that stalker kudos cause they worked extra hard to get where they are....outside your window.

ahem.

[ellen-kushner.livejournal.com]

Mwa, ha, this is good!! I must immediately pass this on to Delia, who hears it even more than I do now that she writes *children's* fantasy- but I hear it, too. Thank you for codifying, er, crystallizing it so clearly. I hadn't realized how much it was bugging me - it's become almost background music.

And now I'm trying to figure out which knight I actually am: The "Lancelot" question always turns me into an utter pedant with a social(ist) agenda, taking the opportunity to lecture my hapless(ly offending) victim on the realities of publishing. Perceval? Bors? (Just not Kay, oh please not Kay....!)

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

(followed ellen_kushner's link and promptly died of laughing)

I HAVE HAD THESE CONVERSATIONS! Thank you for giving me a way to make them funny to myself.