those ghastly little traps

[ewein2412]

Immigration official  Harbormaster:  Welcome to mainland Britain.  I see from your passport sword that you’re a writer you’re a knight.  What do you write?  Whose knight are you?

E Wein  Mordred:  Well, in fact, I write children’s books I’m a knight of Arthur’s Round Table.

Harbormaster: Going to be the next Sir Lancelot, are you?

An Editor  A damsel in distress:  I like this book but  I could use help, but not yours just now, even though Sir Lancelot has made knights of the Round Table so much more popular these days.

Librarian  Lady Enid:  How are you getting along in Camelot?

Mordred: I’m doing quite well, actually. Arthur’s acknowledged me as his son and he’s going to make me regent if he has to go abroad.

Lady Enid:  Oh, you're going to be the next--I can’t think of the name.  Something to do with a lake--

Mordred:  Spare me, sweet lady, DON’T SAY IT!  Really, I'm not anything like him.  Different style, different ambitions--I'm not well known as a knight yet, but I'm doing well at the moment, and I'm so tired of people saying it!

Lady Enid (laughing):  All right, I understand.  No names mentioned.  [librarian’s husband Sir Geraint enters]  Why, Geraint, have you heard Mordred’s news?  Arthur has acknowledged him as his own son, and is going to make him regent.

Sir Geraint:  Going to be the next Sir Lancelot, are you?

my father in law  Merlin   [anyway someone who SHOULD KNOW BETTER]:  Well, Mordred, I really admired your last book sword work in that duel.  Not that I know anything about books sword work.  But let’s be honest, you’ll never be another Sir Lancelot, will you!  [pause]  Not that I’ve ever read seen Sir Lancelot’s sword work.
Mordred:  yes.  no.  well.

--------------------------

To each of these jovial remarks, I--who am I, anyway?--I answer in my head: If I woke up one morning and discovered that I had turned into Sir Lancelot I would have to POISON MYSELF.

No, seriously, seriously now, I ask myself this question.  I ask it again and again, when I am most consumed with envy and thwarted ambition.  Would you rather be Sir Lancelot, or Arthur’s own son?  And I swear, if I die in ignominy and hatred and no one remembers me or cares, if I never accomplish another deed in my life, the answer is always, and forever, I would rather be Arthur’s son.

Am I going to be the next Lancelot?  No.  But I would sell my soul to be the next Arthur.

Comments

[ellen-kushner.livejournal.com]

Mwa, ha, this is good!! I must immediately pass this on to Delia, who hears it even more than I do now that she writes *children's* fantasy- but I hear it, too. Thank you for codifying, er, crystallizing it so clearly. I hadn't realized how much it was bugging me - it's become almost background music.

And now I'm trying to figure out which knight I actually am: The "Lancelot" question always turns me into an utter pedant with a social(ist) agenda, taking the opportunity to lecture my hapless(ly offending) victim on the realities of publishing. Perceval? Bors? (Just not Kay, oh please not Kay....!)

[alethea-eastrid.livejournal.com]

You take me to the most wonderful places. :)

I have more of Gawain in me then I really like to admit. Good ghods, it's been...over a decade since I read any Arthuriana except for that penned by Our Gracious Hostess. *pant pant* must read nooooow *pant*

[ewein2412]

if the truth be told, I haven't read much arthuriana recently either... at least, not that would be helpful in identifying everybody. Only Peredur and Perceval as part of my current waste land obsession.

[alethea-eastrid.livejournal.com]

It's funny, becuase I had't though of it, and now that I have, I want some so much. I have some nice classic 12th centruy translations on my reserach shelf, but I really want a good Mallory translation. Or possibly Tennyson. Hmm, does Audible have any...?

[ewein2412]

well, I do recommend this Simon Armitage translation (as per above comments) of Gawaine and the Green Knight. It is supposed to echo local speech patterns, but modernized. I am really enjoying it. (Plus it is just a pretty book. You can get it in the US but the UK edition is much prettier.)

[alethea-eastrid.livejournal.com]

I've actually seen mention of it in several places, and really need to go dig it up. I'm a complete sucker for that story, too, and have been since I first read an illustrated version at eight or so.

[ellen-kushner.livejournal.com]

"You take me to the most wonderful places"

I live to serve.

(Ooo! Ooo! Who does that make me....?)

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"You take me to the most wonderful places"

I live to serve.

(Ooo! Ooo! Who does that make me....?) <Aw, shaddup!>

[ewein2412]

that makes you Kryten from Red Dwarf, I'd say

[alethea-eastrid.livejournal.com]

A squire, possibly... ;)

(I'd been thanking the same thing, acutally. I'm a kick-ass sidekick/butler.)

[cueeties-janara.livejournal.com]

I hope all of you excuse my random butting in here but I just have to ask:
This is such a beautiful picture you have as an icon. Where is it from?

[ewein2412]

I have a feeling you need to respond directly to one of alethea_eastrid's comments to get the answer (that's the icon you're talking about, right?) (surely not my "Harriet Vane writing" one, beautiful though Harriet Walters may be!)

[cueeties-janara.livejournal.com]

Arg, I'm sorry for the confusion! Somehow my comment got messed up.

[alethea-eastrid.livejournal.com]

Thank you! It's from a Kinuko Craft illustration of Eleanor of Aquitaine...I choose not to think about the costume too closely, because it is a lovely piece. (I'm an amateur student of the twelfth century in general, and costume and textile in particular.) http://www.kycraft.com/detail_pages/eleanor_on_horse.html

[ewein2412]

I really like her dogs!

[alethea-eastrid.livejournal.com]

I do medieval recreation as a hobby. My mother keeps greyhounds. One of these days, I'm going to embroider a really spiffy collar, and bring one of her dogs to an event as an accessory.

[ewein2412]

that would be extremely cool.

[cueeties-janara.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for the link and the info! :)
It is really beautiful. And yeah, I too have come to the conclusion that often enough it is better not to think too closely about costumes and the like.

[ewein2412]

I definitely get the impression that the people who laugh loudest at this entry are the ones who get asked it most often themselves.

"The Lancelot Question"! hee ! I love it.